LEARNING I CAN

Hurray!  I finally figured out how to remove the bathroom sink's plug so I could remove whatever was clogging the drain.
     Kinda wish now I hadn't....the stuff that was down in there...Ugh!
          But it had to be done....
               was cheaper than calling a plumber...
                    and better than pestering friends (again) for what was a simple fix.

(I'll save your stomach and not post a picture of what the plug looked like when I pulled it out.)

     After looking under the sink for the 10th time, I figured out I just needed to unscrew the lever from the back of the drain under the sink to remove it from the plug valve thingy (yeah, I know....not the correct terminology) allowing me to lift it up and out of the drain.   Now I know how to fix it in case it ever happens again.  

My husband was a carpenter and handyman.

He could fix anything and everything.  

He was so talented! 

Every time something needs fixed around the house, 

it reminds me he's no longer here.

I miss him so much!

Because he's not here, I'm learning how to do some of the maintenance myself....

• The other day, I finished the grout work my wonderful husband was not able to complete.
• I also re-painted the stucco which had been started but never finished.
• I've learned how to cut angles for trim and baseboard.
• And I've learned how to caulk...perhaps not perfect but it's done.
• I've installed towel rings and toilet paper holders
• And put together bookshelves and storage cubes
  

I realized I had learned a lot more from him than what I thought I had.

While it is nice to know I can do these things, my heart aches longingly for him each time I have to undertake one of these projects.....alone....without him.

MOTHER'S DAY

    For many, Mother's Day is a day of celebration full of laughter and family get-togethers.  For others, it's a day of painful reminders and an empty place in the heart.  Some are missing a parent, others are missing their spouse, while the arms of others are aching to hold their child one last time.  I know of many...too many!  Whatever the loss, my heart and prayers go out for all who are grieving.

     Throughout the day, I found my mind meandering back down Memory Lane, perusing the streets of yesterday. Last year, Mother's Day fell two days after my husband's funeral taking all joy out of any celebration.  I remember feeling like I was walking in a nightmarish hazy fog.  It still seems so recent and yet so long ago....so many painful memories opening afresh the wounds in my mind. 

     I pushed aside the pain of yesterday to focus on the blessings of today.  My children surprised me with a card, balloons, and my favorite candy bars for Mother's Day.  My eyes welled with tears as they proudly presented their gifts.  This was their first year shopping without anyone else assisting or reminding them.  I know it all came from their hearts making their gifts extra special to me.

GRADUATION DAY 2012

Lately, my mind keeps flashing back to memories of what I was doing "a year ago on this day...."

     My oldest daughter's graduation was Sunday - a day of joy and celebration - yet at the same time, there was pain and sorrow because her father was not here to help celebrate and cheer her on as she walked her graduation walk.  My mind kept thinking back remembering how on this day last year we were holding a funeral and laying my precious husband to rest.  I tried to push that memory out of my mind as much as I could (though it was never completely gone) so that I could focus on the joy and triumph of today.  So proud of who she has become and the knowledge that God has greater things for her life ahead!

     I wasn't sure my children (although teenagers) realized the connection between today and a year ago until my middle daughter asked, "Mom, do you realize it's been a year?"  Yes, my sweet girl, I can't help but realize it's been a year.  There were tears in both of our eyes and pain in our voices as we talked.  I noticed my son also had tears in his eyes so after we were finished with our heart to heart, I went to have one with my little boy who's now growing up into a young man.  I didn't get very far in talking with him...you know how these young men like to act like 'tough guys.'  I wish I could take their pain away and make everything better as I used to be able to do when they were little.  Unfortunately, I can't so I do the only thing I know to do....do what I can to let them know I love them and pray diligently for each of them.  I can't heal their hurting hearts but God can!

1 YEAR

It's been a tumultuous and agonizing year with so many ups and downs. It hasn't been easy, but I'm so thankful for friends, family, and God who've been with us every step of the way helping us get through.  So many have called or text me over the past couple days to check and see how we are doing...it means a lot to know they haven't forgotten. 

Michael Alan Wadsworth, "Only God could love you more than I do!!!" I said it then and still mean it now! I miss you so much! I will love you forever and always!