An emotional Roller-coaster.....that's the best way I've found to describe the grieving process.
You think you're doing fine; finally starting to come out of the chasm of sorrow that's been swallowing you up for so long. You're climbing higher, higher as you finally start to see the light at the end of the tunnel only to be hurled once again downward suddenly, unexpectedly. Now that you've hit bottom again, you pick yourself up, try to regain your composure, and once more begin your ascent.
It's odd how the littlest of things, not even connected with your loved one, can start the tears flowing. Today I was making tea when I suddenly began to cry. The other day it was songs we were singing in church. Even when I think I'm doing fine, my mind is thinking about the absence of my husband. Little things that need to be done around the house that once I relied upon his help for stand brazenly before me as another painful reminder. What makes it tougher right now is going through all the "firsts"...the first Family Weekend without him, the first Thanksgiving, and now this entire month is a stark reminder that we are facing the first Christmas.
As I sat here writing this, my heart overwhelmed with pain and grief, I reached for my Bible and asked God to give me a Scripture of comfort. He did....
"You, who have shown me great and severe troubles,
Shall revive me again, and bring me up from the depths of the earth.
You shall increase my greatness, and comfort me on every side."
As with every roller-coaster, this emotional roller-coaster will not stay down long. There are still some ups and downs ahead as well as twists and turns, but eventually it will smooth out as it finally comes to a gradual stop.