Painful Adjustments and Insomnia

     It's been several months since I've blogged so I apologize for the long absence.  I keep having bouts of insomnia so decided to make use of this awake time (although I know I'm going to pay for it when morning comes).  Coffee is becoming my best friend!

     There have been more ups and downs, highs and lows as I adjust to being a single mom on top of dealing with our grief.  I've had to make many hard decisions on my own concerning the kids, work, etc that I was used to discussing with my husband to get his input.  Now it's all on my shoulders and is a daunting and painful task.  I'm thankful God has placed friends in my life who've been where I'm at that encourage, comfort, and provide input needed.

      After much prayer and tears, I had to make the difficult decision to no longer home-school and place my 2 younger children in public school.  I needed to find work and knew I could not do both.  It was a very stressful transition for me (they were fine) because I had been a stay-at-home, home-schooling mom since they were born.  But I am happy to report they are doing well in school and loving it!

      Because we only have one vehicle, I've had to depend on my oldest daughter to become chauffeur for her siblings when they had to be one place and I needed to be at another.  It's been stressful on all of us, but I think we're finally starting to adjust.  

      Labor Day weekend was difficult (for me)....our anniversary always falls on or around that weekend.  This year would have made 20 years of marriage.  It was very painful to think about.  I didn't want to mope and cry all day so without telling the kids why, I gathered them up and headed to the zoo.  I just wanted (and needed) to get my mind off the pain.  Despite the heat, we spent a couple hours walking around looking at all the animals.   It turned out to be a good day.

     I'm looking at the clock and realizing it's only 3 1/2 hours before I need to get up so I'm going to attempt once again to get some sleep.  My body knows it's time for sleep, but my mind keeps churning.  Hopefully, my mind will let me rest now that I've blogged.